Enough Treasure in the Dragon's Lair?

The U.S. Postal Service's latest quest for capital

Like a drowning swimmer, the United States Postal Service is in its last throes, delaying the inevitable. At least until the waters close in around its head, there will be some pretty artwork to admire.

The U.S. Postal Service has shown no profit since 2007, out-competed as it is by e-mail, social media, messenger apps, FaceTime, Zoom, SnapChat and all sorts of modern mediums for communication and parcel delivery. In 2022 Congress arranged a bailout of $107 billion for the U.S. Post, which marginally improved the system by requiring it to scrap its disastrous pension program which had required the Service to pre-fund a pension plan for employees not even yet hired. Nevertheless, the Service habitually operates at a net loss, such as $6.5 billion in reported losses for 2023, with no end in sight since all reform proposals (such as shortening the work week from six down to three days and delivering to regional distribution hubs from which postal customers pick up their mail) fall short of approval. Insolvency on this scale has resulted in the rate for first-class postage in continual increase, 73¢ at time of publication, its sixth price hike since January 2021.

But as this inveterate and constitutionally enshrined institution sinks beneath the waves, gorgeous artwork will be produced in the form of stamps. In our grandparents’ time, the stamps bore the staid likenesses of deceased U.S. presidents and statesmen, or symbols of Americana like the Liberty Bell and the Alamo. For a while now, the U.S. Postal Service has expanded the artwork to include topics and subjects more relatable to newer postal customers. In 1969 the Service put Blues star W.C. Handy on a first-class stamp (only 6¢ back then!), and in 1993, the Service commissioned a stamp to depict pop star Elvis Presley (29¢ for reference). In 1991, the Service issued a stamp for the Pioneer 11 probe which explored Jupiter, and in 1997, a 32¢-stamp was issued depicting cultural icon Bugs Bunny!

Nowadays “representation” is all the rage, so every identitarian constituency agitates for depiction on U.S. postal stamps. In 2011 the U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp commemorating Nuyorican salsero Tito Puente (“forever” first-class stamp at 44¢), and in 2014, the Service honored assassinated LGBTQ+ advocate Harvey Milk (49¢). Many other prominent personages of underrepresented constituencies have followed, and it only makes sense. The U.S. Post is in a race against time itself, so catering to more customers is what any responsible business should try.

Thus I was amused last month when the U.S. Postal Service announced its release of first-class stamps commemorating Dungeons & Dragons®, a game which influenced the childhood of millions of Americans, myself included. It has been many years since I heard anything about D&D, but the series of Stranger Things (2016 – 2022) must have re-popularized it, since it features prominently in that storyline. The newly released stamps are impressively artistic renditions of scenes and situations encountered in a typical game of D&D. Though our grandparents may have preferred stamps depicting stodgy statesmen or the like, given the choice, I confess an inclination towards a stamp depicting a mind-flayer as it zaps some punk elf thief’s brain! The question which remains is whether D&D’s fans like myself and younger, are buying enough of these stamps to forestall the U.S. Postal Service’s insolvency, instead of corresponding with each other via goofy GIFs exchanged on WhatsApp. My money’s on our grandparents and their plainer stamps, coursing through the post on greeting cards and paper bills.

If the U.S. Postal Service can’t be saved… then at least I hope half-dwarf bards feel appropriately represented!